Why I Dislike Work-Life Balance

The idea of work-life balance once made sense. Our parents and grandparents worked during conventional hours and dedicated their time outside of those 9-to-5 periods to family, friends, hobbies, and personal projects. This static arrangement—while not ideal for all—was relatively easy to manage.

But the advent of mobile technology in the 2000s disrupted this so-called balance. With the ability for our employers, colleagues, and clients to reach us at any time, the “balance” became dynamic and skewed in favor of employers. The waters muddied, so to speak.

When Perks and Flexibility Miss the Mark

Sometime in the early 2010s, progressive tech startups, eager to emulate Silicon Valley's workplace culture, introduced perks like office foosball tables and casual dress codes. The term “work-life balance” began to gain new connotations.

I worked at a late-stage fintech startup where this was the case. Beer cart Fridays, ping pong in the break room, and open-plan offices were some of the perks they offered. No corner office for the CEO? Gasp! These businesses boasted on-site chefs, rooftop gardens, and “flexibility” in exchange for their employees’ dedication and productivity. Yet, they often missed the mark on providing true work-life balance.

They tried, but it was a swing and a miss. I remember our COO saying, “You won’t ever have to miss your kids’ basketball game, because you don’t have to adhere to a certain schedule. We’re a results-driven organization. As long as you get the job done, I don’t care when or where you do it.” Awesome sentiment, right? But it was total BS. Your boss, and your boss’s boss, and the VP and SVP and CEO, had your work email and phone number. Which were connected to your personal devices, and you’d be expected to answer them at all hours of the day and night.

A decade later, the term had yet to lose its luster.

Me working and momming March 18, 2020 with Cece (seven months) and Leo (2.5 years).

Reality Check: How the Pandemic Exposed the Flaws in Work-Life Balance

It wasn’t until that fateful spring—March 13, 2020, to be exact—when the world virtually shut down and everyone became a remote employee overnight, that I really started thinking about work-life balance differently. The fintech startup was one thing; I was in my 20s and still fairly green to the workforce. But by the COVID-19 quarantine, I was a 30-something mom with a demanding mid-level job. Things were different.

Maybe your memory of this day is as vivid as mine, maybe it isn’t, maybe you choose to block it out for a whole host of possible reasons. It was a Friday. I sat around a hightop at a downtown New Haven bar with two work friends and margaritas, watching the news and—unnervingly—talking about what might possibly be in front of us. Earlier that day, we had been instructed to bring our laptops home for the weekend, “just in case” we had to work from home the following week.

I was the communications officer for an academic department at an Ivy League institution where our work intersected between research and clinical practice. Needless to say, the months that followed were an insanely busy time for me. Policies, procedures, and standards changed by the hour. My husband worked in labor operations at a large grocery retailer, so he was stretched equally as thin.

We had an infant, a toddler, and a whiteboard with our schedules and parenting shifts hour by hour, day by day. We logged on at 6 a.m. and logged off at 11 p.m., fed, bathed, changed, and juggled our babies in between. We didn’t play with them much. We didn’t get much sleep. There was absolutely zero work-life balance.

I grew resentful as bored faculty members sucked up my time on Zoom meetings talking about how in their newfound downtime they were revisiting hobbies like knitting and gardening. People went on and on about how they had absolutely nothing to do, while I didn’t come up for air for months, until our kids’ daycare reopened.

Fatigue. Exhaustion. Burnout. People are jaded from the pandemic in different ways. There are countless reasons our lives will never be the same. For me, perhaps the most impactful was the time it took away from me being able to be a present parent with my young children. I was always parenting and I was always working. It’s when I really started to think of work-life balance with disdain because in my life, it didn’t exist at all. It went from blurry in my 20s when I was promised flexibility in exchange for constant availability to worse a decade later when work was absolutely nonstop.

Redefining Work-Life Balance

Achieving work-life balance can be the solution we're seeking, but only if we understand its true meaning and know how to apply it effectively. Achieving work-life balance means autonomy, choice, and boundaries, not kinda-sorta working 24/7. It means being present at work when you’re working and being present at the rest of your life when you’re there. Multitasking doesn’t work; we end up doing both things poorly.

To me, this is how successful work-life balance looks:

• I work and I live my life. I don’t live to work.

• I like my job, but my job is not my life.

• I do my job well and my employer gives me a paycheck. OR, I do my job well and I earn my pay as an entrepreneur or small business owner.

• There is a time for hustle and there is a time for rest. I can grind and power through when I need to and I can take time to unplug and pour into my cup before I get burnt out.

And I know—some of these concepts may seem exclusive to being in business for yourself or at the very least, being the one in charge. For me, it’s one of the biggest factors in choosing entrepreneurship. But we do have a choice when we’re job searching, and if I do return to the corporate workforce, it’s a deal breaker if I’m unable to prioritize my life outside of my job.

While the concept of work-life balance has evolved and become more complex over time, understanding its true essence—autonomy, clear boundaries, and genuine flexibility—is crucial for achieving it. My experiences have shown me that real balance is not about flashy perks or constant availability but about creating a life where work and personal time coexist harmoniously and meaningfully.